Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Mea culpa, Mea culpa

I don't do much, sometimes
I don't lose sleep
I don't always bring home piles of papers
to grade
I don't call all 130 sets of parents, always
I should,
I should I should I should.

If I am asking them to work their hardest,
then I need to be working mine.

Despite not losing sleep, I'm still tired
and I don't know
I don't know how to care a lot
without caring too much
without being frustrated and hurt
when they don't care in return
I don't know why I don't work harder,
but I should,
I should I should I should.

If I am asking them to work their hardest,
then I need to be working mine.

I've heard sage wisdom, of protecting oneself from burnout,
of striving for sanity for sustainability,
but I think I have
spent so much of me
building walls of "sustainability"
that I can't see past
the burning brick.

I guess I could be working harder.

(I wish I wanted to. I should I should I should.)