Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Striking

The stars are polka-dotting the sky
as trumpets sing an invisible greeting
of God winking from the moon
down at you,
for you.

Monday, April 22, 2013

Monsters & Me

There's a fight to be won for the love you find at home
There is work to be done before you rest your weary bones
I'm finding peace don't come to everyone I know
So I will love in this life till I finally have to go

Well I know I have lived just a wrinkle of my life
And I hear so many times, it'll be over when I blink twice
So please forgive if I don't walk off that plank stuck in your eye
I've got my life to love and I'm here to take what's mine

Growing up child is just a matter of time
Forgiven all you've got so won't you dance under the sun
Growing old feels like your giving up your soul
And I'd rather give it freely to the ones that I call home

I ain't scared no not afraid of the world in front of me
I found my way without your help with a broken family
I'll take my breaks with my sins, I'll do as I do please
With my friends till the end, there lies my loyalty
With my friends till the end, my lies their loyalty

I used to close my eyes to what stirred under my bed
Now they're open wide to the monsters in my head
Instead of claws they whisper lies, sinking fear in quiet steps
So I will fight in the light till i give my final breath

- Run River North, "Growing Up"



-----

Hmm.

Especially these lyrics:

I used to close my eyes to what stirred under my bed
Now they're open wide to the monsters in my head 

Instead of claws they whisper lies, sinking fear in quiet steps 
So I will fight in the light till I give my final breath


Fear has come up in a lot of conversations I've had recently. I think it's important to understand why and when we make decisions out of fear. I think it's easy for us to avoid taking risks, to hide from change and new things under the facade of "wisdom." What we really mean is fear. We're acting out of fear. No really. Are you really "guarding your heart"? Or are you just... scared?

Listened to this Ted talk once about the "art of asking" and why we're afraid to ask people for help. The speaker, Amanda Palmer (of the Dresden Dolls - Suzy!) says, "They see it as an unpredictable risk, but the things I've done, I don't see these things as risk. I see them as trust."

She continues to talk about her crowd-surfing experiences and what it means to trust that the world will catch her. She's talking about trusting the world, the universe, the cosmos, whatever you want to name that universal-something that draws us all together. Taking risks means trusting that this "something" will catch you.



I believe that something we can trust is God. And we don't have any reason to fear new relationships, new jobs, moving across the country — maybe all three of those things at once — because time and time again He will make good out of everything. He will provide. Psalm 27:1 says "The Lord is my light and my salvation. Who is there to fear? The Lord is my life's fortress. Who is there to be afraid of?" Why would be afraid of anything when we've got the Big Guy on our side? No, really. Why?

The skeptics are all like, Shooooot Joanne you're just making excuses to be impulsive and spend $90 on climbing shoes when you barely have enough money to afford groceries next week. And in some respects, you're right. Going with my gut has led me to some bad relationships, some terrible decisions, and an overdrawn bank account. Trusting my heart, though, is a different story. Trusting my heart is different from those smaller, fleeting impulsive decisions because my heart is not my own — it belongs to Jesus. For the things that truly matter — the big "scary" decisions that involve putting myself out there (I mean really, really out there — like, cliff-diving-into-a-pool-of-sharks-out-there, like walking-on-a-burning-tightrope-out-there), God has completely caught me.

Recently one of my friends asked me some questions about who I am today and how my past experiences have shaped me or will shape who I am in the future. I was overwhelmed today (in a good way!), thinking about who I was at 15, 16, 17, even 18, and how much restoration and renewal God has given me. While I'm still the same socially clumsy f-up I was back then in so many ways, today I walk with a different stride. I am stronger (maybe wiser), but more importantly, I am not afraid.

As we grow up, the monsters get bigger. But we get bigger, too.

Here's to the unknown! To falling, to running, to jumping, and not knowing where your feet will land next! Here's to life's next adventure, to "taking the road less traveled," to taking the biggest risk and loving others as God loves us. LET'S DO THIS.

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love."

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Questions I Can't Answer

1. What does it mean to be an authentic self?
2. Why is freedom important?
3. Can we ever be truly free and truly equal?
4. How do we fix our education system?
5. Why me?