strange

Strange how things happen sometimes — how people enter your lives at times all too perfect, all too "coincidental." (Oh hey God, is that you?)

You are just like him, in so many ways — that same quiet laugh, that same hesitance/confidence, ... the same eyes. A bit eerie. Thank goodness I caught myself.

I built these walls much higher than I could have imagined.
Maybe that's okay for now.

Cats and Dogs

Somewhere underneath the floorboard
I will sweep my garden

Underneath the cupboard
Lives a mouse
And he discovered there was nothing there

Nothin there to discover

Fallin from the sky
There are raindrops in my eyes
And my thoughts are diggin in the backyard
My roots have grown but I don't know where they are

quixote!

When I'm tired I don't have the energy to be anxious

these silly things

This is such a strange time in my (our) lives, when we are never standing still; we are always leaving one home or another. Reminds me of that one scene in Garden State that I really liked, the one where Zach Braff talks about this time, when you sort of don't feel at home in your real home and you don't really ever feel at home until you make your own home, and fill it with people you love or something. I might have made that last part up.

So I probably don't fully agree with the sentiment behind it, but it's a nice little scene anyway. Really captures this. This sort of in-between, numbness/yuck that keeps crawling up the sides of my stomach when I least expect it. That wasn't meant to be literal at all, for those of you who went there. Yeah. Stop it.

You know, or maybe you don't, that sort of stomach-lurching anxiety that you feel when you stand on bridges very very high above water, or ride elevators with glass walls and imagine the floor giving way, and all the beautiful reds that our bodies are made of painting the elevator chute in bright, Andy Warhol/Jackson Pollock splashes.

I always sort of laughed at writers who write like I'm writing right now (Chuck); I thought they were trying too hard, that their monotony and bite were just forms of faked anger forcing its way through the bestsellers. I guess I'm sort of a jerk that way, thinking that. I'm sorry. I sometimes wonder if I should stop typing, and sometimes I do, and go back and delete lines, but I think this is one of those times where I'm not going to. (I'm sorry, I'm so sorry). I don't really feel like myself right now, I feel like Joanne-and-five-shots-of-espresso-too-late, which I must have thought was normal at one point but right now I don't. Better espresso shots than other kinds, I suppose.

This is one of those times when I should just quit while I'm ahead and I'm not even ahead (of what, I've always wondered). I'm leaving for Spain very, very soon.

New blog!

Hola! Hice una bitácora/blog nueva para mostrar mis experiencias en España. ¡Mira!

Hi! I made a new blog to document my experiences in Spain. Check it out at http://joanneinspain.blogspot.com.

I will continue to update this blog as well, but my travel blog will be the place to go to for anecdotes, stories, and general ramblings about Spain. Yay.