to You

I didn't know you well, but I remember
- the way your blonde hair fell over your eyes (blue, right?)
- your sideways smile that made all the girls swoon (one in particular; she loves you still)
- your hands tucked into your jean pockets, your hood swung over your head
- Gatsbys American Dream shows in middle school
- wet streets, cigarette smoke, being picked up by my mom in her camry
- your house on that windy road
- having a crush on your best friend (and hoping you'd have a crush on mine!)
- high school, and not saying hi to each other, as if we'd forgotten
- middle school, and late night AIM chats

You are gone, like last afternoon's warm breeze,
and although I didn't know you well,
I still remember.

And they will remember,
the way you were in the mornings, the afternoons, the evenings
the way you laughed and frowned and sulked and grinned
the way you were, they will remember.

I hope you know that.
Wherever you are.

I have nothing right now, but numbness
and the occasional sob that stops
in my throat because
I am not sure if I am allowed to cry,

but
there it is,
my sorrow via tears that are salty
and mining their ways down my cheeks,
my God, you were just there.
You were just there.
You were JUST THERE.
HOW COULD YOU NOT BE NOW?

If you are wondering,
know that
you were like the sun
and they will not forget.

I will not forget.
We still remember.