it's light outside

I know you want to stay in bed 
But it's light outside 
It's light outside 

So know I am going to stay right here 
Because you saved my life once 
You saved my life 


Thank goodness I didn't lose it forever. The theme of this week: MARVEL. (Not talking about the comic books here). Let's just marvel. At the beauty in the world, at the ugliness in the world, let us live fearlessly—dreams, hopes, ambitions and all, and if we come crashing down, let us embrace our pain and clench it tightly in our fists until there is nothing left to hold. Then, let us marvel more.


The other day I tried to be sad (I know, that sounds terrible—but sometimes I just need to feel. "Happy is the heart that still feels pain.") I struggled, a bit. Yes—that is exactly what you were: the unsettling comfort. I (we) are always reaching toward that familiar pain solely because it is familiar—never because it is what we want (let alone what we need). We want with our heads and not with our hearts.


Let me explain. I always thought it was the other way around; that our feelings were constantly in the way of what was right, what was sound in our heads. That our hearts were "getting in the way." I'm not so sure anymore. Looking back, I have realized that the things I "liked" were not the things I "wanted". I was so caught up in attraction—physically and emotionally—that I was ignoring my heart's truest desires, ignoring what I was really looking for. We too often mistake what we like for what we want. In some cases, we establish a mentality of rationale, something along the lines of "That is not what I want, but what I need." In some cases, we forget that what we need is exactly what we want. But we let what we "like" get in the way of what we really, truly want.


Live fearlessly. I spent this summer in a strange limbo, thinking in black and white for sanity's sake, thinking about my mistakes, my choices, the future, whatever else keeps all of us up at night. I spent so much time thinking that I wasn't feeling. I was standing perfectly still in a quicksand of thought, sinking deeper into contemplation until I lost sight of the surface. Then, I was brought back to life—I met someone who reminded me of what it meant to just marvel and let the world sweep you off your feet. Enough with the thinking, the plans, the worrying. Live fearlessly. And remember that fearless does not mean reckless, and cautious does not always mean in control.


Go. Go on. Marvel.